Have you seen this season’s fashions dahhhling? They’re so outrageous, so out there, so now. Stripes are out. Colour blocking is so last year. This year it’s all about cute brown circular patterns. So if that’s what you’re wearing, don’t hide yourself in a corner, show it off!

Some spiders are so hip and happening that they’ll hide away for years just because their markings are unfashionable. Have you seen the Camouflage spider recently? No? Exactly. As for the Global Hypercolour spider, that’s not dared be seen since the early 90’s. It came out once in august 2007, but when everyone laughed at its outdated fashion its face turned red with embarrasment and it slunk back into a hiding place till it returned to its normal yellowy-blue colour. Let us not discuss the poor Shell Suit spider. (highly flammable).

This model above however is so proud of its on-trend motifs that its rushed out of the gaps in the woodwork and placed itself out and proud against the white painted beam which props up the roof. This is just above head height, and pretty much the first thing I see when I walk in the living room. It might as well be going *Ta DAAAA* and giving it some jazz hands everytime I walk in.

Scaryness: 2. How can you be scared by someone so fashion conscious? Think of the famous fashionable people for a minute: how scary are they? Michelle Obama? Nope. David Beckham? Nope. Kate Moss? Nope. Fred Astaire? Nope. Grace Jones? Nop… Oh ok, bad example, but generally they’re not scary.